Sunday, October 18, 2009

Why can't relationships be easy?

This is a fair question. There are many answers.
How do you feel? Below are 5 issues couples face today...

Issue #1: The Breadwinner-
Up until recently the male has been the provider of the typical American family. He won the bread and he brought home the goods. When the opportunity for marriage came along, it wasn't always an entirely attractive opportunity. It was a leap of faith to marry because it seemed he had a lot of freedom to lose. For a woman however, marriage was an opportunity to gain freedom. Freedom from the burden of providing for herself and the opportunity to try her hand at something she had never done before----have children. It's no wonder that women want marriage and men think twice.

Issue #2: The Breadwinner Catch-22-
Today, women value work, success and education, sometimes to the extent that they no longer seek the opportunities of family life. Many women today earn more than their man. What is he supposed to do? He can provide more than money for the family but his role has become cheapened---almost unnecessary. The woman takes a physical role (breadwinner) and a spiritual role (mother) and leaves very little for the man. What is his role? It's no wonder a man shirks from his “responsibilities.” What are his responsibilities?

Issue #3: Men Love their Playtime-
Men seem to value play and want freedom. However, most men are well aware that marriage isn't always about play. In fact, most of the time it's not about play. Women who value friendship and companionship sometimes think,commitment and children will force them to prioritize their values as they would prefer not to. It's reasonable to see why the male counterpart sometimes shies away from the serious relationship that is presented to him.

Issue #4: Fear of Failure-
Also with the fear of investing in a serious relationship is the fear of failure, and nothing offers as much potential for failure as marriage. It's been said that love is a gamble. It’s cruel. It’s dangerous. Commitment, can be even more of a minefield. No wonder that when love rears its head, many men hesitate – or turn and run.Serious Relationship Phobia

Issue #5: Lack of Options-
Believe it or not, a woman living in the U.S. Today will have far more options than the male counterpart who shares her same economic status. She can decide she wants children, that she wants to work, that she wants to go back to school, that she wants to change her career, that she wants it all.

All of that said; a serious relationship, when done with respect, and very careful consideration can actually be quite pleasant for both sexes...

What do you think are the biggest relationship issues facing couples today?
What have you done to have success in love?

In my new novel this subject is explored in dramatic fashion as Royce Tyler and Paula Daniels experience the ups and downs of trying to make things work in a society that doesn't make things easy.
It's even more difficult when one person is hiding the truth....
To read a FREE 15 Chapter excerpt from Champagne, Jellybeans, and Chocolate click here


  1. I think the biggest relationship obstacle that I have come in contact with is men/women loving their play time. I have had this conversation with several friends who have this problem. One is a male whose wife does not like him spending a lot of time with his family, one is a female whose boyfriend does not like her spending a lot time with her family, and one is a female and male couple who have a problem with the other spending to much time away from home no matter who it is with. This is something that I do not understand. If you are in a relationship with someone you should know what type of person they are. If they like to spend time with their family or out in the streets you should know that before you decide to commit yourself to the person. If that is something that you can not deal with then you need not commit yourself to that person. I think that before you decide to commit yourself to a person you need to sit down and have a long conversation with them, that way everything is out in the open at the start of the relationship.

  2. It always seems to be a fine line between too much freedom and having your significant other with you at all times. I've found that sometimes one person is more of a home body and can start to feel neglected if they can't keep up with the others social expectations/activity. You are definitely right; communication from the outset is key...

  3. You have hit on a lot of good points in your post and I agree with them.

    I think another point is not taking responsiblity for our own actions and that includes both men and women. We are so quick to blame the other for our actions.

    Tracey D
    booklover0226 AT gmail DOT com